Built and Broken by Admiration
We all have some kind of desire to be admired. There’s no shame in it. When we receive compliments, likes on our posts, or flame emojis in our comments it makes us feel good. Now that it’s so easy to meet people, we would always want others to see us in some kind of light - even with people that we’ve known for years, which creates relationships that are fed on admiration. When we are acknowledged for looks, talents, work, etc. it builds up our self esteem but it can also break us down just as much.
The constant build up of reverence from others does raise our self confidence, but if you are blind to the fact that you are shaping your identity around what it is you are admired for, your sense of self can be somewhat unbalanced. When we mess up or when things don’t go our way, the common response is, “This isn’t me.” or “I’m normally not like this.” When you acknowledge something negative with another negative it becomes a jenga tower of self depreciation and a hyper vigilance of hoping others don’t change their perceptions of you. The ride of admiration was so high that when you don’t get that same recognition, you can’t help but visualize yourself at a low. In other words, the lack of admiration creates a lack of self.
Instead of aiming to be admired, aim to be known. To be known, you introduce a holistic sense of self that also introduces a complete self acknowledgement. When things aren’t right, let someone know it. Knowing it with yourself is one thing but declaring it to someone else establishes trust in your relationship and it affirms that it’s okay. Trust is the potion for a productive relationship, but it’s built on the conscious choice to be vulnerable. Vulnerability then leads to a better understanding of each other but most importantly it livens the idea that you can identify with your shortcomings as well. We are always told to put your best foot forward but why put your best foot forward if the rest of you isn’t at its best? Shooting for others to know you, flaws and all, opens more windows to elevate your relationships as well as your own sense of identity. Be grateful for the admiration, but don’t forget you are more than what you are admired for.